Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My life is pants optional.
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