bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
