why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
