i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
love makes seman taste better
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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