Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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