You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
