yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
