Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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