I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
