Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
