I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
