Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
