I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
