How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
