some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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