I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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