I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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