$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
