just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
