And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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