Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
