I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize