I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
