I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
