They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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