so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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