You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
