Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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