new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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