Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
These tits shall not be calmed
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
