We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
