high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
