What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
