and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
