Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I need to stop coming to work sober
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
