I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
