Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize