I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
