onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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