it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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