I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
