Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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