I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
