I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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