I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
