Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
