So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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