I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The adults are the big ones right?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
