Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
