apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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