there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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