That's intense
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
