The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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