We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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