You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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