I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
