I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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