mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
and she was petting her beer can
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
