I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize