I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
