There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
