we have officially lost it.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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