the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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