you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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