Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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