I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
