Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
