if you like me you must not know who I am
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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