im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
