mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
