is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
