can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
