Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize