Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
