Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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