Got a toothbrush?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize