So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
