I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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