it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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