he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
