Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My feet surprised me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
