Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
