Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
