I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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