you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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