I'm so fucking centered right now
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
