You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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