so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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