You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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