You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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