I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
