I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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