Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
